My Hook Up Experience in Chicago

As I stare at him, I can feel my heart racing. His beautiful face – Those pink lips that I want to kiss all day. My heart skips a beat whenever he calls my name. His broad shoulders, I just want to feel them so badly - I want to wake up, sleep and wake up on em. And that height mehn! God did well by him. Inside out, everything about him is beautiful. People say I’m stuck up but for the first time, I want a man. I want this one. And, I want ALL of him. 

I bite my words off like they were bullets ‘And you take me to your bedroom?’ we both laugh. ‘You know I’ve heard guys in the class talk about you,’ Jason says. 

I’d smile gamely, but it got to me. I hadn’t been in a relationship in over a year so I was looking out for a willing victim. He is charming and funny, he even owns a bible! I like this one. I remember how we met.

On this fateful day, I wear my usual sweatpants and a T-shirt with the inscription "fries over guys." (sorry guys) As I sit in class for lectures, I notice a particular stare from the right-hand corner of the classroom. I pay no attention but, this stare kept on. Minutes go by and I can still feel someone blankly looking at me. I turn around to see who it is and lo and behold, I confirm my suspicion. It was one of the basketball players -Jason. As I look in his direction, he smiles and I quickly look away. I notice from the corners of my eyes that he kept staring! He looked at me until I felt extremely uncomfortable but couldn't look back for fear that our eyes would meet, and like in the romance movies 'we will fall in love' - haha

As the days went by, we exchanged numbers and began chatting. Only then did I start to notice how hot he is. Extremely tall and good looking! Funny and easy to talk to. I was single at that time. And as expected, ready to mingle okrrrrrr

About some weeks later, I had just left a class when he hit me up. It was around 2 pm that afternoon. Jason requested I meet him at the DePaul housing for athletes. I agreed. I walk in and he leads me to his bedroom.

‘They say you are hot. I noticed it on that day you wore that shirt with the inscription.’ - Jason says. 

Jason makes comments about how his 'good looks' is a good enough reason why I should kiss him. As we continue talking, he checks his wristwatch and reminds me of the time left to spend. I wasn't bothered because he had told me earlier that he had basketball practice later that day. 

‘Don’t you find me attractive?’ ‘well, you’re not ugly!’ I replied. 

After this meeting, I received no calls or texts from Jason. Some weeks later, he hit me up on Facebook. He tells me the reason he stopped chatting me up was he wanted sex on the day we met but I didn't give in. So that's why he kept reminding me of how many minutes we had left. ‘All the messages and calls were just because I like your body and, I wanted to bang.’ Gosh, what a fuck boy! I felt heartbroken because at that point I was already 'catching feelings.' Will you blame me? I never expected it. I was used to the Nigerian dating culture. 

I told him I wanted more. More than his perfect body but he was not ready to be mine!

‘C’mon Jenny, suck it!’

Guy I went out on a date with. I meet him during a job interview and we exchanged contacts. An HR masters degree holder, nice crib, nice car, I was sold. Yes, the girl loves nice things, but who doesn’t? I was a lot more into him than I was his net worth though. He’s soooooo fineeeee. Nice abs, dimples, the perfect mixture of chocolate and caramel flavors. I fell in love from the moment I set my eyes on him. He is my dream man; the kind of guy I will be proud to show off. But you know, the girl’s got to play cool. 

‘You should come up to my room’ Tim says.

We had just come back from a date at Millennial Park and I went to his crib to spend more alone time with him. To be honest, it was an innocent move. I just enjoyed his company so much that I wanted to learn more about him. 

I hesitate but he insists. I reluctantly walk up the stairs to his bedroom and sit on a couch beside his bed. ‘Jenny, I’m so horny that I feel like watching porn.’ With so much shock in my voice, ‘Are you for real?’ ‘Yes, and we should see it together,’ ‘seriously?’ I believe this is my cue to leave so I stand up. He walks in front of me, holds my hands and leans in for a kiss. In anger, I pushed out his arms and head for the door. He pleaded he would behave, so I sit back down. We have a short conversation about his mixed heritage and he proceeds to take his clothes off. I saw what could be the best masculine structure I have ever seen in my entire life. Striped to his boxers, he was definitely seeking attention but the girl is good so I looked away. He takes a few steps closer and proceeds to wank out his penis. Just like it was some precious treasure, he says, ‘C’mon Jenny, suck it.’

Jason and Tim were not the first, neither will they be the last guys to ask for casual sex. Other guys have asked that we be friends with benefits - Even African guys living in the US - The typical when in Rome, do as the Romans behavior. 

Being someone who isn't into the casual sex scene, dating in America has been extra stressful. Based on my experience, I boldly state that America has a sexually-centered norm. If a guy shows interest in a girl, it is a 50/50 chance that he wants a relationship. At some point in my early dating phase, I have been that girl that thought I can force a relationship. Change a guy who wants casual sex to a boyfriend. Long story short, I ended up worse than I was before I met him.

Dating sites such as Tinder, Ok Cupid, Coffee meets bagel, eHarmony, PlentyOfFish, Clover, Bumble, Zoosk and other popular online dating sites in the US have a reputation as platforms to meet strangers for hookups. Even though these sites were created to find friends and/or potential life partners. The constant dick pics and sexual advances made by men on sites for "dating" make the experience frustrating for ladies and even guys who are genuinely looking for love. ‘I'm looking to have fun’- You mean sex? ‘Fun’ is the common word used by many guys on these dating sites who want casual sex.

In the US, casual sex is like an accessible discount code for everyone. No VIP membership. Even the ugliest and the broke guys can shag for free. After using some of these sites, I say with all certainty that there is no correlation between good looks, wealth and a guys’ ability to have "fun" in the US. As ladies, we have this instinct that if a guy isn't good looking or/and rich he most likely doesn't get free access down there. That’s not true! There are a lot of girls now willing to give the cookie for no effort at all. This brings me to my next point - girls are now initiating casual sex too. 

Sometime this year, I matched with a guy on a dating app. We started chatting and as expected, he asked: "What are you looking for?" "To see if I can find a connection with someone that I would potentially start something long term with," I replied. "Really? I'm surprised. Most of the girls on here just want to hook up." 

I've learned that unlike before, girls are becoming more comfortable with the idea of causal relations. I'm giving a big shout out to all my sisters out there, breaking free from societal norms and expectations. If men are allowed to do it, we certainly should! While this is liberating, there are some consequences for ladies who want a long term serious relationships. In a perfect world, guys would go after girls who want casual sex and guys looking for love would go after girls looking for love too but unfortunately, this isn’t the case. Just like in the case of Jason and Tim, many ladies like me would fall prey to guys looking to have casual sex. Also, the African culture entails that when a man wants a woman, he goes after her but in cases like this, men will not be willing to pursue women anymore. That’s sad because the chase makes the courtship phase exciting!

The sex centered culture has made being exclusive more difficult for couples. Why stay with one lady for the rest of your life when they are easy ones everywhere? This is one of the reasons why the concept of open marriage is increasing in the US. And it's not surprising that these couples are increasing on dating apps now and asking for a third party for casual sex to SPICE UP their relationships. I have been contacted a few times. We know how most of those relationships end. 

For more on dating, check out the article about 10 Things to Know Before Dating a White Guy.