If I had known, I wouldn't have lost my womb at 16

It was very early this Sunday morning. She paces to and fro from the door of the bathroom, sweating profusely. Panting heavily in anxiety, she checks the time and looks back at the pregnancy strip test sold to her by the Pharmacist. 'So this is how it ends!? my dream to become a medical doctor.' Favor gets drained in thoughts. Her High school graduation is just six months away. At only 16 she will be graduating 2 years ahead of her peers. How she wishes she wouldn't disappoint her parents with what's supposed to be her highest accomplishment so far. 'If there's any way to get out of this mess, I will.' She says. Days turned to weeks and weeks to months as she pondered over this uncomfortable situation. She was disturbed.
Scared and uncertain about what to do, Favor confides in her classmate and best friend Linda. 'Eh, I need to tell you something, please don't, please promise me you won't tell anyone. I am' she takes a deep breath 'I am pregnant and, I don't know what to do. My parents will KILL ME if they find out.' Linda leans in and whispers in her ears 'don't worry, WE'LL FIX IT.' 'How?' 'I know someone.'


After much contemplation, she decides to give it a try. Holding the glass of water, she can feel her body shaking. She puts some in her mouth and gulps down the pills. They rush down her throat like venom. Within a few hours, they start destroying her organs. She gasps for breath. Feeling intense pain, she can't move. As she struggles to get to her phone, she can feel her body tearing apart bit by bit.

LIKE I WASN'T ALREADY THINKING OF HAVING SEX

Mtheeewwww she fizzles then leans in to take a closer look at me. Her eyes move back to the TV screen. I instantly feel uncomfortable. Faced with a dilemma, I know looking away is the better option. If she catches me looking, we'll have a harsh discussion on why I was watching 'an adult scene' at just 15. If I look away, it implies that I know something about sex already. But the latter is what's expected of a well-trained child. I'm supposed to agree with her idea of 'decency' by being alien to sex, kissing and the likes. She looks at me at this moment to make sure 'I’m not spoilt.' Still innocent. Still ignorant of what it means to be involved in a romantic relationship.
I have to play along. I have to act like I wasn’t already hearing the discussions about sex. Like I wasn’t already seeing the movies and getting advances from boys. Like I wasn't already thinking of having sex. According to the Demographic and Health Survey conducted by the Ministry of Health in Nigeria in 2018, 19% of Nigerian women initiate sexual intercourse by age 15 and 57% by age 18. I expect her to know this. At least, have an idea. But guess what? It's a movie and we both have to be good actresses. Her, the good parent that doesn’t want to corrupt her child by talking about sex and me, the ignorant child. What a sham!  At 15, I wasn't so innocent after all.


I was a child so I couldn't initiate the discussion. I was scared and ashamed of asking her. But I was badly in need of answers. Even though I acted uninterested when she had these discussions with strangers, I secretly hoped she would sit me down and talk about it.  I waited for a long time, but she didn't. So I started seeking answers myself. What is that tingling feeling in my stomach whenever Toni looks at me? Am I supposed to be ashamed of my virginity? Jack said he loves me, and I kinda like him, should I start dating him? All my friends have Bf's anyways and I don't want to be left out. How does it feel like to have sex? People say it feels good so should I give it a try?


If you are African, you may have experienced this in your adolescent life. The age range of 10-19. That transitional phase of growth and development between childhood and adulthood. That stage when you have many questions that you can't ask because society frowns upon it. You are expected to 'act like a child.' Keep mute and only be interested in school. As children, most especially women start asking these questions without guidance from adults, they start taking matters into their own hands. They ask the internet and their peers. With no adult guidance at all, they become vulnerable and make mistakes.


'Waaaaaahhhhhh' 'waaaaaahhhh' 'waaaaahhh' I remember the sound of the siren as I was carried into an ambulance and rushed to the hospital. Every other thing was blank. I wake up to the glaring eyes of my parents. 'You have killed me oooo.' As expected my mum was crying. My dad, on the other hand, was quiet, but his look speaks volumes. That 'I am disappointed in you look.' 'We gave you everything. Everything you wanted and this is how you repay us?.' Yes, my parents were right. They gave me the resources I needed to be comfortable; A good education, money you name it. They gave me everything I WANTED not what I NEEDED. They withheld what's most important. Guidance. My mental well being. They refused to have the most important discussions. About dating. About my changing body. About what I'm supposed to do when I start getting attention from the opposite sex. And now they blame me for this mistake. The mistake I made from the lack of knowledge, not the need to be indisciplined. I wish they had told me. I wish I had known. If I had known I wouldn't have lost my womb at 16.

Check out the article on Is It Really Worth Taking Your Life?