Is It Really Worth Taking Your Life?

‘You have never been in my shoes so it’s easy for you to say.’ You have never felt like the whole world is against you. You have never felt so much pain. So much that you think the best way forward is to end it all. End your life because no one cares about you. No one will ever understand what you are going through. No one is there to advise you, lead you, stand by you. You have no one!’ ‘Yes, I have thought of killing myself before. What’s worse is I was in the US when I had that thought. A place where my life is supposed to feel great. Accomplished. Where everybody thought I was living the good life.’



She stared at me shocked. Dumbfounded. Lost of words. I instantly felt embarrassed. I looked away and stood up in an attempt to leave. She held me back and hugged me. And in that moment, the memories crept in like it was yesterday. The pain came back stronger. I tried to hold back. Hold in the tears, but couldn’t.



As she hugged me, I remember how much she cares about me. How much she loves me and wouldn’t even let any one hurt me. I think about my life. About how broken she would have been if I ended it all. We are bonded by blood but what’s even stronger is our friendship. I’m her confidant, her best friend, her supporter, her adviser. The one she calls when she needs a shoulder to cry on. What would have happened to her if I killed myself? I felt guilty. And the guilt turned to shame.



I was ashamed. I was ashamed because only one unfortunate incident made me forget who I am. It made me forget the years of selfless sacrifice my family had dedicated to ensuring I was comfortable. From providing good education, shelter, and good food. I was ashamed because I was going to throw all that away. All their hard work could have gone in a glimpse. Just because I had a moment. Because I felt depressed.


Kudos to the mind. It’s amazing how it makes one forget the most essential things in just one occurrence. When something sad happens, we focus on that thing forgetting how good life had been until that point. This is how suicide works. We fall short of expectations. Internalize our failures – Thinking it’s our fault that we failed. We alienate ourselves from society and abhor negative emotions such as disgust, anger, fear, etc. In the final stage, the mind plays a trick making things that are not okay, seem acceptable such as the desire to inflict pain on one’s self.  At that moment when a person thinks of committing suicide, it’s like the heartbreak resulting from the current situation is so much that the only way out is to take one’s life. This is a mind trick! And the mind becomes deconstructed. Viewing killing one’s self as a rational decision. Why do I know this is true? I’ve been there. I’ve been that person that contemplated suicide. But is it worth it? Taking one’s life? In all honesty, the answer is NO!.



Psalms 30 vs 5  ‘weeping may last through the night but joy comes in the morning.’ It’s common knowledge that hard times do not last forever. Even the bible makes this clear. The time will come when everything will be ok! When it will feel like there was no pain. Even if it’s just for a min, the wait is worth it.

     WHY WE SHOULD NOT COMMIT SUICIDE

While suicide is often a solitary act, family and friends of the deceased are stigmatized for the rest of their lives by society. They are left to suffer the aftereffects of suicide. They grieve, try to understand the reasons for the death, and learn to carry on with their lives.

Suicide bereavement is the deep sadness and mourning that occurs after the loss of a loved one to suicide. About 48 million people are said to experience suicide bereavement each year.  The effect of suicide bereavement on mortality, mental health, and social functioning compared to effects from other bereavements is relatively high. A study of thirteen widows whose husbands had died by suicide compared to thirteen widows whose husbands had died in accidents found some differences in family communication, support, and intimacy following both types of death.



While widows in both groups reported a clinically significant level of symptoms of mental ailments, women whose husbands had died by suicide experienced more guilt and blame from their families than women who lost their husbands in an accident. Relationships with friends, partners, and relatives after suicide bereavement are often characterized by social awkwardness, others' avoidance, perceived stigma, a lack of understanding, and a fear of further abandonment. Relationships with close friends and close family are those most often negatively affected.



Research from various studies suggests that a person who is a close contact of someone who commits suicide is associated with several negative health and social outcomes, depending on an individual's relationship to the deceased.



People who commit suicide have a close friend or relative who had committed suicide before. The effects of suicide include an increased risk of suicide in partners bereaved by suicide. Increased risk of required admission to psychiatric care for parents bereaved by the suicide of an offspring. Increased risk of suicide in mothers bereaved by an adult child's suicide. And, increased risk of depression in offsprings bereaved by the suicide of a parent. And let’s not forget that depression is one of the major underlying causes of suicide.



People bereaved by suicide have an increased risk of suicide and suicide attempt, yet report receiving less support than people bereaved by other sudden deaths. The World Health Organization estimates the number of deaths caused by suicide as 800,000 yearly. That’s ridiculous. One person dies every 40 seconds! 



So, I am making a plea to you that no matter the situation, no matter the circumstance, suicide is not an option. Think of the lives that would be affected by that singular action. Please, do not commit suicide. Save yourself because you are saving someone else!








In Collaboration with Oyinkansola Kinrin

Check out the article on If I had Known, I wouldn’t Have Lost My Womb at 16.