Public Display of Affection (PDA). Yay or Nay?

As we walk in the cold of the night, he holds my hand and squeezes gently. His hand on my back as we move slowly. Intune. Taking each step together like we were reading each other’s minds. We reach under the train station then stop. To say goodbye, he grips with both hands. Leans in and gives a passionate kiss. I had my reservations about kissing in public. But he made me feel comfortable and safe. Slow but intense we held on to each other for about a minute. Immediately, an older lady walks by. She’s white. She looks at us, smiles, and continues walking. At that moment, everything felt right. It felt good that an older person is approving. It felt good to know that I wasn’t committing a crime. That I shouldn’t be ashamed of kissing him in public. That public display of affection (PDA) is okay!  

PDAs are acts of physical intimacy in the view of others. It can be through kissing, cuddling, holding hands in public, or exchanging flirtatious text messages in a public forum. Whether this is acceptable or not differs from country, religion, and culture. 

In Nigeria, PDA is generally frowned upon. The more romance involved, the less likely it is to be accepted in society. For instance, It’s unacceptable to French kiss a partner in public. The only time this is allowed is during a marriage ceremony. When done any other time, people would hiss, look with disgust, or even make derogatory statements about the parties involved. There is this norm that all sexual/romantic activities should be performed indoors. And if the opposite is the case, the involved parties are at that moment, disrespecting the public. 

This applies to both singles and married couples. But, a peck on the cheek or holding of hands doesn’t receive as much criticism.

It also depends on the religion/culture of the people present when such activities are performed. The Northern part of Nigeria, popularly dominated by Muslims are more hostile to PDA than the West, South, and Eastern regions. The Western region shares almost an equal balance on those who are in support and those who are against PDA. But, I would argue most aren’t in support because of their emphasis on respect. It makes sense that any activity that would in any way seem inappropriate would be frowned upon. The Southern and Eastern regions, on the other hand, are less hostile to PDA. It’s not encouraged but not as criticized as it is in the North. 

In the states, on the other hand, PDA is generally accepted. Married or not, it is okay to kiss, cuddle, and hold hands in public. It’s safe to say Americans are in support of it. The constitution emphasizes individuality and the freedom to express one’s self in whatever way he/she pleases without being criticized. And Americans are doing a great job minding their own business. Needless to say, we know too much of everything is bad. There are still a few times PDA is unacceptable in the States. 

How much is too much?

1. If kissing is taking too long in the presence of the public and/or it’s done in the presence of a minor (a person under the age of full legal responsibility. A person under 18 in American and Nigerian law).

2. Touching the private area of the other person in public is unacceptable.

3. Sending intimate love messages in a business/public forum.

4. Performing PDA when the other person involved isn’t a recipient and/or looks uncomfortable. 

5. Performing PDA in a way that affects the public. For instance, kissing that impedes traffic.

What is acceptable?

Anything that would not embarrass the people involved or the people present. As straight forward as this may sound, “we shouldn’t do something in public that we don’t want to see in public.” It’s okay to kiss, hold hands, and even stare at each other as long as it doesn’t affect us or the people around us. With cultural differences involved, it may seem like a lot to constrain one’s self to a particular culture but remember it’s only in public! This means it’s only for a while and in the comforts of our privacy, we are free to be ourselves!

Please, comment below. What are your thoughts on PDA?

For more articles on romance, check out My Hookup Experience in Chicago.