Virginity - The state or quality of being virgin
Virgin - A person who has not had sexual intercourse
Sexual intercourse - Sexual contact between individuals involving penetration of the vagina by the penis: coitus, oral or anal intercourse
‘Open your legs!’ she says, almost screaming. Amaka trembles and opens up. Mama holds both legs and stretches them. She then proceeds, inserting two of her fingers. Without caution. Without empathy. It’s like at that moment, mama is someone else.
A young girl is about to be violated. She is about to be poked. But she can’t say no. She can’t refuse because that would imply that she is in fact, guilty of the act.
‘You don know man! (have had sex) Your body dey wide.’ Amaka replies with fear in her voice. ‘No, no ma. I swear. I nor know man.’ ‘Why your body con open? She asks that question with anger. Get’s up the bed and says, ‘dress up, we are going to see Mama Ifeoma.’
Mama Ifeoma was a traditionalist who was popular in the area. She was known for her work in deep tissue massages, herbal treatments, and very commonly, ‘the virginity test.’
'We leave now! You better be telling the truth Amaka, if not hmmm, if not, you don die for my hand.’
Amaka weeps. If this is a bad dream, wake me up. I haven’t had sexual intercourse with any guy. I haven’t even kissed a guy before. I’ve been scared that I would be a big disappointment to my parents if I get pregnant. Please help me, God.
The journey to Mama Ifeoma was the longest 13 mins of her life. She knows she isn’t guilty but that doesn’t matter. What’s important is mama Ifeoma’s verdict.
‘Efe, bring one egg. Oya lye down here.’ ‘Hmmmmm, your picken don know man.’
The first few seconds were total silence. Then came the storm. She holds Amaka and drags her out in the streets. Picks plywood and starts beating her. ‘This pickin, your nor go kill me! You don spoil! Waytin he give you? Money? Waytin I nor give you. I provide everything for you make you nor look outside.’
The beating continues in the eyes of nonchalant passersby. Until an older lady intercedes. ‘Hello ma, why are you beating her like this? What happened?’
Mama goes on to narrate her version of the story. Amaka stands by quiet, scared, crying. At that point, nothing she says will make her pleasing in the eyes of the stranger or her mother. She faced a dilemma - Should I lie and tell mama that she is right? That I lied about not having had sexual intercourse? Or should I insist on telling the truth that whatever diagnosis mama Ifeoma may have given, is in fact, incorrect?
It would make no sense for a traditional person to believe that Amaka was in fact, telling the truth. Even some educated and civilized people may disagree. Not surprisingly, the society at large talks about sex, has a lot of it but is still not sexually educated. I still hear people say, ‘She did not bleed, she’s not a virgin. ‘If she is not tight, she isn’t a virgin.’ ‘If her hymen is broken, she isn’t a virgin,’.etc.
These statements are more commonly made in Nigeria than they should, but then again, this isn’t surprising because our culture doesn’t permit it. They believe educating the child about sex is in fact, spoiling the child and encouraging them to be promiscuous. This is false.
While it may seem barbaric and a violation of human rights, the virginity test is a common practice in Nigeria among adolescents from ages 10 - 19. Sometimes younger and older. This test is mostly carried out in 2 ways. 1. By a doctor or any adult checking for a hymen by inserting two fingers into the vaginal opening of the girl. 2. By trying to pass an egg through the vaginal opening. Research has shown that none of these ways are reliable. No one can tell whether you’ve had sex unless you tell them. Not a doctor, not two fingers test, not an egg. Only the said person can say for a fact if they are a virgin or not. This is especially true for males so why not use the same energy for females. The double standard is sickening.
Some ladies narrate their ‘virginity test’ encounters.
Dami, 24
When I was 15, someone started a rumor about me and a boy in class. My parents heard about it and performed the virginity test on me one day after school. I was asked by my mom to lay down and open my legs (in the presence of my dad). She then tried inserting 2 of her fingers inside me. That cause me so much pain that I cried. She stopped and looked at my dad. They both exchanged smiles. I felt pain the whole day. I felt violated. I felt ashamed.
Adaeze, 27
The virginity test was a normal thing in my home. We have 2 or more every year. All my sisters ages 7-19 were asked to form a queue. And, one after the other, they would lay down with their legs wide open. Most times, my mom used her hands. She tried eggs on a few occasions. Every experience made me feel degrading. I felt disgusted and abused. This is probably the reason why I’m always uncomfortable whenever someone is trying to inspect my vagina. It may be during sex, hospital visits, or even during foreplay.
Sad right?
Okay yes, I get where some of our beliefs may come from. Especially about the hymen. Someone who has had sex would likely have a stretched hymen (not broken). But, some people are born with so little hymenal tissues that it seems like they don’t have a hymen at all. Imagine someone like this going through the virginity test, definite failure. We know that other things may stretch the hymen. Not just penetration, 2 fingers, an egg, dildo, a carrot, or someone’s head. Lol
‘See Jennifer, as a pastor’s daughter I have to stay a virgin so I perform only oral sex and anal sex.’ Really Elizabeth???
You see, the definition of sexual intercourse is not excluding oral and anal sex. Coitus is not the only intercourse by which someone is deflowered. Where people get those beliefs from, I don’t know! Also, it may be important to note that as long as a penis passes through the vagina of a virgin, even if it’s for a second, even if her hymen is still intact (unlikely but possible) she is no longer a virgin.
‘Chike, no, she doesn’t have to bleed for you to know that she is a virgin.’ Some women bleed and sometimes not even from the hymen but from other tears from the vagina wall. Every woman’s body is different. I think it’s quite annoying for society to expect that a virgin ought to bleed her first time. Shows how much we are ignorant about teaching our men how to understand, pleasure, and worship a woman’s body. Not force themselves in and cause so much friction that would cause her pain and may make her bleed. Even for a non-virgin, penetration without stimulation may cause so much pain, discomfort, and even bleeding. So she may bleed even if she isn’t a virgin. It may also be important to note that a virgin’s vagina may feel loose even tho it is her first time. Every woman's body is different. The reason is, she feels comfortable with you. You probably have made her feel relaxed, so in response, her pelvic walls relax and become inviting (she’s wet). Giving the sensation of a less tight vagina. Also, virgin or not, if her vagina is tight, she probably isn’t into you. When a woman is anxious or simply not in the mood, her pelvic wall muscles will contract, giving the sensation of a tighter vagina.
I am happy that times have changed, women are no longer made to feel ashamed for not being virgins when men were being rewarded for having sex.I’m happy that most men no longer require their partners to be virgins. But still upset that virgins are now made to feel like they are a problem because some men think they are incapable of being ‘unvirginlike’. Would be too clingy after sex and horrible in bed. I call that BS. The act of sexual intercourse can be learned. As a virgin myself (if you disagree, na you know) I have a lot of respect for the identity. It takes a lot of self-control, resilience, and discipline to not have sex in the current sex-centered society. If you are one, a round of applause to you ma.
AMAKA - THE AFTERMATH
The days went by with so much sadness and tears. Amaka had questions. She cried and wondered why no one believed her. She insisted she was telling the truth. She wanted to know so bad if she was still a virgin so she started reading. Asking questions like, ‘Are you a virgin if you failed the egg test?’ ‘How do you know if you’re still a virgin.’ She questioned her sanity. And would occasionally try to check for herself if she would see a hymen. Days turned to weeks, weeks to months, and months to years.
She stayed in the dark for a long time. Had questions and sought answers. When she brought it up with her mom many years later, her mother said, ‘I just wanted the best for you. At that time I thought that was the right thing to do. Now I know better’
I am Amaka.
For a similar article, see ‘If I had known, I wouldn’t have lost my womb at 16.”
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